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The official lyric video for her latest single “Teenage Dream.” Buy it on iTunes here: bit.ly

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There’s no denying that showbiz has more tools than a Home Depot full of Hummer-owners, and last Friday  The Short List crew used them to build you a house of hilarity. The experts did a pretty good job as they counted down the Ten Biggest Celebrity Tools , but we feel that they cut their list with a bit too many douche-bags and not enough tools. (Yes, there’s a difference!) So here to put things right once more, The Shorter List brings you a few extra tools who have screwed, banged, nailed, drilled, greased and wrenched their way to infamy. Don’t forget your hard hat. [Photo: Getty Images] 5. Vince The Sham-Wow Guy Once upon a time,  Vince Shlomi was a man with nothing but a rag, a camcorder, and a dream. A dream that someday…he would have enough money to pay people for sex. After re-branding his rag as the “Sham-Wow” and  making the most abrasive commercial of all time , that dream came true. But the dream turned into a nightmare one night in Miami when a hooker he hired bit his tongue. We’re pretty sure that kind of kink costs extra, but Vince apparently wasn’t digging it and a fist-fight ensued. By the looks of the mug shot, the hooker won. No charges were filed against him, but it’s a cautionary tale for anyone who tries to con the world with their crappy products (come on guys, “sham” is right in the name). Dexter + Moe from The Simpsons + Felt Towel = Informercial Demon [Photo: Getty Images] 4. Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen is kind of like a hammer that has been dipped in pure gold: worth far too much money, and at the end of the day is still just a tool that hits stuff. We’re sure he doesn’t mind our saying so, as his new $1.3 million-an-episode salary has him half-grimacing all the way to the bank. That’s when he’s not busy chasing his wife around with a knife and serving jail sentences so short that he tells his driver to leave the car running. The Many Moods of Charlie Sheen Look at that range! If that’s not worth $1.3 million an episode, we don’t know what is. [Photo: Getty Images] 3. Jimmy Fallon For years the media has been trying to brainwash us into believing that Jimmy Fallon is funny/popular/cool. But let’s look at the evidence. If he’s that good, why have all of his movies bombed? And can you remember any of the characters he did on Saturday Night Live ? OK, there was that lame news anchor character who always laughed at his own jokes. What was his name again? Oh yeah: Jimmy Fallon. Yet the-powers-that-be keep rewarding his public failures with larger and larger gigs, including hosting duties at the Emmys. The fact that he has his own network show while Conan O’Brien does not is proof that there is no logic, justice or god in Hollywood. Bonus Points: Jimmy Fallon being given the prestigious “Tiger Woods Seal of Tool-Dom.” [Photo: Getty Images] 2. David Blaine Whether hanging from a box in London or standing on a pole in New York, “illusionist” David Blaine has made a name for himself by performing feats that we all could probably do if we weren’t busy living our lives. The man is able to survive for fantastic periods without food or water, yet he has been hospitalized several times for lack of attention. Perhaps his greatest trick was convincing both Madonna and Fiona Apple to date him. Nothing gets a woman hot like pulling a quarter out of her ear. More Bonus Points: David Blaine being given the honorary key to Trump Tool-Town. [Photo: Getty Images] 1. Michael Lohan The fact that Michael Lohan was left off of The Short List broadcast makes us wonder if he has incriminating pictures of someone on the staff. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s pulled that , right Kate Major ? Seriously, this is the man who taught Lindsay everything she knows! The lessons started early, with Mike spending most of Lindsay’s formative years serving a prison sentence for insider trading. This absence is probably the high point of his parental life. He’s done it all, from cheating on his wife and getting his mistress pregnant, to assault and DUI charges. He’s even shared a fiance with Co-Ultra-Douche Jon Gosselin , creating a Tool Supernova of epic proportions. So you’d think when Lindsay started making some of the same mistakes, he’d be the first person she could turn to for sympathy and advice, right? Nope. He decided to call his rehab-bound daughter from a bar to “make her jealous.” Michael Lohan, we at the Shorter List salute you. It just so happens that our salute is a middle finger. Douche-Lord: There Can Be Only One. [Photo: Getty Images]

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The Shorter List: Biggest Celebrity Tools

This idiot, again. Only Paris Hilton could ruin a perfectly lovely weekend for the entire gossip world. Just this morning we were off trotting around our twee neighborhood with a cup of coffee and a dream in our cardigan, when this stupid a-hole had to go and get busted for cocaine possession in Las Vegas. Now we’re in our dark cave of an apartment starring at the wonk-eyed beast in anger. Seriously, how many years have we been writing about her wasting space with her vapid, entitled, coke-y antics? ENOUGH. So let’s make this quick: TMZ sez Paris and her boyfriend, Cy Waits , were arrested by Vegas cops last night and have since been released. She’s hired a fancy Las Vegas lawyer and is already claiming that the purse cops discovered with the stash inside did not belong to her. Because if there’s one thing Paris is good at – besides blow jobs – it’s blaming other people for every dumb thing she’s done in her life. Except Doug Reinhardt – she really can’t lay that mess on anyone else. Paris was arrested in South Africa this summer for suspicion of having marijuana, but was released. Not to be outdone, Paris was busted for weed a few weeks later in Corsica, and then let off the hook. Please, oh holy creator of life and celebrity comeuppances, please do not let Paris Hilton get off this time. Because if there’s one thing this a-hole deserves, it’s to become known as the one person in the world who is more pathetic than Lindsay Lohan. [Photo: GettyImages]

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Paris Hilton Blames Others For Cocaine Bust, Of Course

We need a Zip car, directions to Seaside Heights and JWOWW’s cell number ASAP, because apparently Snooki’s new man is about a million times worse than we had suspected. While we already knew he was something of a stripper-loving skeez , apparently in 2009 Snooki’s boyfriend Jeffrey Miranda had a restraining order filed against him as well…for putting a gun to his ex-girlfriend’s head. According to the police report,  Miranda dated ex Rebecca Hansen for six months in 2008 and 2009, during which he because increasingly violent, hurling insults and even physically harassing her. According to the order, Miranda also “threatened to burn plaintiff’s house down while she slept, threatened to cut plaintiff’s brakes, defendant threatened plaintiff by stating ‘if you cheat on me or break up with me you have a hole dug for you already.’” Said Hansen, “Jeff is nothing but scum. He claims he is in the mafia. He’s threatened two of my friends’ lives and my own.” Good lord! We hope Snooki has heard about this and immediately bailed out of the relationship. Even the most beautiful juice-head gorilla in the world isn’t worth that level of insanity. [Photo: Splash News Online ]

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Snooki’s Boyfriend Put Gun To Ex-Girlfriend’s Head, Slapped With Restraining Order

Once upon a time there was a singer the entire world was obsessed with, and her name was not Lady Gaga . For a split second Amy Winehouse , what with her ballet flats and her rexie bones and her beehive and her crackhead-husband, for a second she was the thing. And then all those things exploded in a bloody mess and it got all awkward and everyone wrote stupid blog posts about how she said “yes yes yes” to rehab and then we all looked away for a while. Anddddd…here we are: Amy Winehouse went out and saw the Libertines show in London last night, followed by a stop at a pub before hitting up the after-party. Allegedly making another album with Mark “I’m such a kick-ass producer I can even make drug addicts look good” Ronson. Which is all “yay!” except for the fact that she’s still the same old crazy person wearing a floral minidress and dirty ballet flats. And it’s gotten to that Lohanic-Spearsish point where it’s not fun anymore to laugh when she does something while drunk or insane. Because she’s still drunk and insane. But at least we now know what she looks like when she’s taking a crap.

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Today Will Forever Be Known As The Day Amy Winehouse Showed Us How To Take A Dump

Is it wrong that the idea of Draw Barrymore ripping a reporter’s face off just makes us want to see her new rom-com even more?  During a recent press junket, Barrymore became furious when a reporter pressed her too hard about her notoriously rocky childhood. When asked by the next interviewer if she ever tired of talking about her wild youth, Drew raged, “You should have heard this bitch I had to do an interview with before you. God, I wanted to punch her, she would just not drop the youth thing.” Continued the Going The Distance star, “It’s actually good to get it done young and have a great life later. But yeah, man, I wanted to rip this woman’s face off. She just would not shut up about it.” Consider our tickets purchased! Drew has talked at length about her tumultuous upbringing, which included a stint in rehab at 13, and acknowledges, “I’m actually really proud. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but they in turn were my life lessons.” So we have to ask the question: how horrible must that reporter have been to piss Drew off that much?  She’s Drew Barrymore ! That woman seems like she could barely rip the wrapper off a Kit Kat without crying, let alone skin an interviewer alive.  All we have to say is, if sweet, sunny Drew Barrymore is fantasizing about tearing your head apart, you really need to reexamine your approach to journalism.  Go back to school, maybe do some freelance work: whatever you need to do so you don’t make the star of 50 First Dates and Never Been Kissed want to go Hannibal Lecter on your face. [Photo: Splash News Online ]

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America’s Sweetheart Drew Barrymore Is Going To Start Ripping Reporters’ Faces Off

You know you’re getting old when, to Taylor Momsen , Courtney Love is just some other girl’s mom. When asked if she appreciated being called the “Junior Courtney Love” (which, excuse us, who has ever called her that, ever?), Momsen was uncharacteristically gracious, saying “No, because she’s awesome. She just isn’t one of my idols or direct influences, despite what people think.” Really, Taylor? So the resemblance is all a coincidence? The rambling public  non sequiturs? The hair that looks like it was pieced together from a box of damaged wigs? The outfits that would get you arrested in every country except the U.S. and Canada?  We guess some things just happen look similar, like when you see a drawing of a beautiful girl and you then turn it upside and realize it’s also the picture of Courtney Love. So, if not Grandma Love, then from whom does Taylor draw her musical inspiration? Oh, you guys are going to love this: “Yeah, I do emulate men more—I grew up on Oasis, Soundgarden, AC/DC, The Beatles .”  The Beatles, ladies and gentlemen! We think we can all agree, when you hear The Pretty Reckless ‘ hit song…um…you know, the one…well, when you hear it, your mind immediately thinks of the White Album . That’s Taylor Momsen in a nutshell: vocal stylings based on Paul McCartney , hair styling based on the girl from The Ring . [Photo: Splash News Online ]

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Taylor Momsen Doesn’t Idolize Courtney Love, Just Acts Like Her Clone